Tips for Mary (and maybe others)

So the other day I received an e-mail from Joan, my chemo angel. She had just found out that a law school friend of hers had a cancerous brain tumor. Her friends name is Mary. Well Mary had already been through surgery to remove 95% of the tumor, but the last 5% was going to require chemo & radiation. Joan was asking for advice or tips that she could pass on to Mary. I had just arrived back from a business trip to Newport, RI (literally), but I couldn't keep from responding on the spot. So here's what I sent:

Hi,

Just got back from RI. It was a good trip. The travel part was challenging though!

I'm sorry to hear about your classmate, my thoughts & prayers are with her.

First piece of advice, keep a good attitude and remember Toby's mantra, "Take one event at a time!"

Second: Get more medical opinions (if she hasn't gotten them already). More thoughts on what to do are always good either to confirm the way forward or maybe to check other options. Check into clinical trials, there may be added insight or even more alternatives to get to the cure and be a survivor.

Third: Be brutally honest with the doctors regarding symptoms and reactions to chemo and radiation. They can only work with info they get from her. Do not try to be overtly brave in getting through the treatments. There are ways to make things more comfortable. There is a web site started by Scott Hamilton (the skater) that lists chemo drugs, their attributes, expected side effects, and managing the side effects. Here's the link: http://www.chemocare.com/

Fourth: Good oral hygiene is a must through this. Chemo can do a number on your mouth. Sores on the tongue, inside of the mouth, and gums are not uncommon. This adds to the problem of eating through treatments. Use gentle or all natural toothpaste and mouthwash that does not contain alcohol. Alcohol will contribute to drying out the mouth, which leads to even more susceptibility to mouth sores. Get some Saline (0.9% Sodium Chloride Irrigation, USP) to rinse with. She may need to get a prescription for this from her doctor. It's basically salt water but it helped me out a great deal!

Fifth: Get as much help as she can. Get at least one "chemosabi" like you, Joan. The help is needed and will get her through many of her trials and tribulations.

Sixth: Consider counseling. A healthy mind and healthy emotions are really needed!

7th: Get plenty of sleep. It helps to escape feeling like garbage , and builds up energy.

8th: Eat whatever you can in quantities that are achievable. Serve up in small portions (this must seem familiar to you Joan!).

9th: Wash your hands a bunch of times throughout the day. Stay away from sick people. Wash fruits & veggies before eating or cooking.

10th: Talk to the nurses for advise when you want help with getting through or working around some of the symptoms of the treatments. They are a font of knowledge that need to be tapped.

11th: Use aloe vera lotion where they shoot her with radiation. This will help avoid or reduce dramatically the likelihood of skin burns where she's being zapped.

12th: Don't be afraid to talk with friends. It's amazing how much they want to help. If they offer, take them up on it and schedule their assistance. It will help them & her get through each event.

13th: If she gets a fever, 100.5 or higher, call the doctor immediately. This could be an indication of an infection which is yet another foe of chemo patients.

14th: Drink a lot of liquids. This will help her keep hydrated and will wash toxins out of her body faster.

15th: Remember that you have to be your own best advocate with the heath care providers. Ask questions and make sure you understand the answers. Do not let them blow you off with appointments that are too far off in the future. Make sure the chemo oncologist, the radiation oncologist, the oncology surgeon, and any other doctors your seeing are talking to each other. This may not be happening as readily as one would assume, so make sure it is/does happen.

16th: Smile a lot. Although cancer is a curse and hard, and terrible to deal with, there are many good things that can come from it. I know that it is hard to understand, but it is true.

17th: Remember that cancer sucks (not hard to do), but life is good. It may not seem like it right now, but it really is.

18th: Coming full circle to number one up top...attitude is everything.

I'm sure there will be more thoughts after I hit the send button, but this is all I can readily come up with right now. If your friend wants to talk to someone who has been down a cancer path, feel free to give her my number. I'd be happy to talk and listen to her.

I did have one more piece of advice that I remembered the next day. I was able to e-mail it directly to Mary this time. Here's what I sent (amidst a bunch of other things written):

By the way, one thing I did miss in my "tips" was the power of visualization. I spent a bunch of time during chemo sessions "seeing" my cancer weakening as the chemicals went in. I also saw parts of my tumor leaving my body whenever I was sick and throwing up (I usually cussed at the toilet on those few occasions).

If you read this far, you may have a friend that could use these too. Feel free to pass them on at will if you should deem fit.

Remember ... Life is Good!